Prayer has always been important to me. Sure, there have been ebbs and flows throughout my life, but generally, I felt-- long before I joined the LDS church-- that God heard my prayers. The way I pray, of course, has changed. I remember as a kid praying a decade of the rosary every night before going to bed (mostly to help be not be afraid of whatever creature could be hiding in the dark) and during the Angelus bell at recess (the staple of any Catholic school experience). I prayed for help before tests and offered various supplications about catching the attention of my latest crush. Later on, as I became exposed to the Jesuits and Ignatian Spirituality, I learned how to pray and listen to help me better make life decisions guided by the Spirit.
Something I had never prayed for was truth. When I first learned about the concept of praying to know the Book of Mormon is "true," I found it difficult to understand how praying about a book could lead anyone to join the LDS church. I felt like I knew everything I needed to know about the church from all the websites I had visited and the pile of books I had read. (Full disclosure: I was dating an LDS guy at the time-- so I had an incentive to learn more about the LDS Church so I could have friendly arguments with him). Really, during all that time I spent learning about the LDS church, I think the only Mormon book (including mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly-- I read them all) I hadn't read was the Book of Mormon. Sure, I had picked it up, looked at the pictures in the front and tried to read a paragraph or two, but I found all the 'thee's and 'thou's and 'it came to pass'es a little cumbersome and difficult to muddle through. And honestly, I hardly read the Bible before I started studying theology, so why would I waste my time reading 'scripture' that clearly had been made up by this guy Joseph Smith?
I'll include my conversion story on this site at some point, but for now... the abridged version. I gave up the Catholic Church for Lent in 2010 (ironic, I know...) and planned to attend church with a different friend each Sunday leading up to Easter. I was living in a house filled with 20-somethings studying to be ministers of various Christian denominations so I thought my plan should go pretty smoothly. Now, this was kind of a big deal for me at the time, because I hardly ever missed mass. If I attended another denomination's services, I always made sure to catch a mass either before or after. After a pretty fantastic experience at the LDS Church the first Sunday, I decided to take my Lenten experiment a little further and be Mormon for Lent. At this point, you have to understand, I had grown to have "holy envy" of the Mormons. I really admired the dedication of church members to living the gospel and to contributing their time, talents, and treasure to building up what they saw as the kingdom of God. At the time, I thought that six weeks in the LDS Church might give me some insights and lessons to take back to the Catholic Church after Easter.
To fully assume my role, I decided that it was time to dust off the copy of the Book of Mormon that I had been given the year before, and give it a read. Since I was in the middle of completing my thesis, I did most of my "reading" of the Mormon by listening to it on my iPod on the way to and from school and at the gym. At first, I found it hard to follow, but as I got deeper into the story, the more snippets of truth began to pop out of me. I supplemented my study of the Book of Mormon with the Gospel Principles manual, which outlines LDS doctrine.
Two or three weeks into Lent, I was in my room on a Sunday night reading the Gospel Principles manual when in one moment it was like the clouds parted and everything I had ever learned up to that point about Jesus Christ suddenly made sense.While I had always professed being a Christian, a feeling that came over me and I knew that the things I said I believed were actually true. Christ was in fact the Son of God, he died and rose from the dead, and because of him, we will be able to return to live with our Father in heaven. It wasn't just a biblical story; it actually happened. The experience sort of shook me up.
The next day, 2 Nephi 28-- which describes present-day society-- came through my headphones on the bus. "(8) Eat, drink and be merry; nevertheless, fear God- he will justify in committing a little sin... there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the Kingdom of God." And, (14) they have all gone astray save it be a few, who are the humble followers of Christ; nevertheless, they are led, that in many instances they do err because they are taught by the precepts of men." In that moment, I thought. Oh my goodness, this might actually be true. I said a silent prayer in my seat on the bus and asked God that if the Book of Mormon came from him, to let me know. As I left the bus into the cold, blustering Chicago winter, a strong feeling came over me. I didn't want the feeling to stop, because I was afraid if it did, I would begin to doubt what I had experienced. It lasted for three days-- from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed at night.
I have heard that each person's experience of coming to know that the Gospel is true is different. I am very grateful that God know us each individually. He must have known how stubborn I would be and how difficult it was going to be for me to leave the Catholic Church. I mean, I had been a Catholic missionary, was attending a Catholic seminary, and planned to work for the church. The Catholic Church wasn't a large part of my life; being Catholic was a defining feature of my identity. While it did take me almost two years to finally get baptized, it was recalling what I felt over the course of those three days that eventually caused me to take the leap of faith. No amount of study or church attendance could have gotten me to that point.
I used to think how could people make such a HUGE decision based on warm, fuzzy feelings... For the doubters (like me) out there, I leave you with the words of a former prophet and president of the LDS Church: "When a man has the manifestation of the Holy Ghost, it leave an indelible impression on the soul, one that is not easily erased. It is the Spirit speaking to spirit, and it comes with a convincing force. A manifestation of an angel, or even the Son of God himself, would impress the eye and mind, and eventually become dimmed, but the impressions of the Holy Ghost sink deeper into the soul and are more difficult to erase" (Answers to Gospel Questions, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith Jr., 5 vols. [1957-1966], 2:151)
I'll include my conversion story on this site at some point, but for now... the abridged version. I gave up the Catholic Church for Lent in 2010 (ironic, I know...) and planned to attend church with a different friend each Sunday leading up to Easter. I was living in a house filled with 20-somethings studying to be ministers of various Christian denominations so I thought my plan should go pretty smoothly. Now, this was kind of a big deal for me at the time, because I hardly ever missed mass. If I attended another denomination's services, I always made sure to catch a mass either before or after. After a pretty fantastic experience at the LDS Church the first Sunday, I decided to take my Lenten experiment a little further and be Mormon for Lent. At this point, you have to understand, I had grown to have "holy envy" of the Mormons. I really admired the dedication of church members to living the gospel and to contributing their time, talents, and treasure to building up what they saw as the kingdom of God. At the time, I thought that six weeks in the LDS Church might give me some insights and lessons to take back to the Catholic Church after Easter.
To fully assume my role, I decided that it was time to dust off the copy of the Book of Mormon that I had been given the year before, and give it a read. Since I was in the middle of completing my thesis, I did most of my "reading" of the Mormon by listening to it on my iPod on the way to and from school and at the gym. At first, I found it hard to follow, but as I got deeper into the story, the more snippets of truth began to pop out of me. I supplemented my study of the Book of Mormon with the Gospel Principles manual, which outlines LDS doctrine.
Two or three weeks into Lent, I was in my room on a Sunday night reading the Gospel Principles manual when in one moment it was like the clouds parted and everything I had ever learned up to that point about Jesus Christ suddenly made sense.While I had always professed being a Christian, a feeling that came over me and I knew that the things I said I believed were actually true. Christ was in fact the Son of God, he died and rose from the dead, and because of him, we will be able to return to live with our Father in heaven. It wasn't just a biblical story; it actually happened. The experience sort of shook me up.
The next day, 2 Nephi 28-- which describes present-day society-- came through my headphones on the bus. "(8) Eat, drink and be merry; nevertheless, fear God- he will justify in committing a little sin... there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the Kingdom of God." And, (14) they have all gone astray save it be a few, who are the humble followers of Christ; nevertheless, they are led, that in many instances they do err because they are taught by the precepts of men." In that moment, I thought. Oh my goodness, this might actually be true. I said a silent prayer in my seat on the bus and asked God that if the Book of Mormon came from him, to let me know. As I left the bus into the cold, blustering Chicago winter, a strong feeling came over me. I didn't want the feeling to stop, because I was afraid if it did, I would begin to doubt what I had experienced. It lasted for three days-- from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed at night.
I have heard that each person's experience of coming to know that the Gospel is true is different. I am very grateful that God know us each individually. He must have known how stubborn I would be and how difficult it was going to be for me to leave the Catholic Church. I mean, I had been a Catholic missionary, was attending a Catholic seminary, and planned to work for the church. The Catholic Church wasn't a large part of my life; being Catholic was a defining feature of my identity. While it did take me almost two years to finally get baptized, it was recalling what I felt over the course of those three days that eventually caused me to take the leap of faith. No amount of study or church attendance could have gotten me to that point.
I used to think how could people make such a HUGE decision based on warm, fuzzy feelings... For the doubters (like me) out there, I leave you with the words of a former prophet and president of the LDS Church: "When a man has the manifestation of the Holy Ghost, it leave an indelible impression on the soul, one that is not easily erased. It is the Spirit speaking to spirit, and it comes with a convincing force. A manifestation of an angel, or even the Son of God himself, would impress the eye and mind, and eventually become dimmed, but the impressions of the Holy Ghost sink deeper into the soul and are more difficult to erase" (Answers to Gospel Questions, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith Jr., 5 vols. [1957-1966], 2:151)
Yay! I've been waiting for you to post again. :) This is beautiful, Em. I've been a member my whole life and I still struggle sometimes with recognizing (and acting on) answers from the Spirit. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
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